Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.