Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.