she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away