she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away