They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze