I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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