You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls