So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.