So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."