I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.