i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.