So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.