Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar