guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
seriously i just wanna be friends
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken