in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.