in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand