in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand