Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.