Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
