Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.