Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"