Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"