in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again