the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party