he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."