I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm sorry my penis didn't work