I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it