So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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