she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
