So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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