i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
