Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
