Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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