Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
