soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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