I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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