How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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