apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
