Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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