After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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