i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
