My sheets look like a crime scene.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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