I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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