Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
