Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
