Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
