I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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