It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
