no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
NoShamevember. You game?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
