What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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