My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
