I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
