He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
