I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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