Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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