a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
