Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize