Im at strip club and am horny
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
