she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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