it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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