How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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