Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
