Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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