Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
