I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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