he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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